SLAP SHOT

February

Kendra

“The little bitch is pissing all over the place.”

I laugh where I’m sitting on the rug in the living room, letting Molly climb on top of me and lick my face. “She can’t help it. She’s a baby.”

Max shakes his head but he’s smiling even though he just cleaned up another puddle. “Okay, I admit she’s cute. Even though she chewed up one of my Prada shoes.”

“We still love you, Molly,” I croon at her before kissing her puppy head. “You’ll learn. We just have to keep working at it.” I stroke her soft back.

We adopted Molly a week ago. She’s actually a sister of Ace, Duncan and Amber’s dog—from a different litter, but the same parents.

I moved in with Max earlier this month. We took things slowly. At least, we think it was slow. It seemed torturously slow to both of us . . . a long-distance relationship for a couple of months while Jodie and I got things sorted with our business. Jodie was adamant that she wasn’t going to stand in the way of me and Max being together, even though I could see she was sad about me moving away. And Zyana . . . God, it broke my heart leaving her.

But Jodie’s thinking about moving here, too, now. Some of our biggest suppliers and clients are here, and we’ve been checking into space for our business. We can actually find something that’s cheaper here yet closer to good neighborhoods than the old warehouse space we’ve been renting in Brooklyn. I won’t admit to Max that he won the Chicago vs New York debate but . . .

Then, even though I moved to Chicago, I refused to move in with him right away. I wanted to, but I didn’t want to be reckless, because we really haven’t known each other long. Except, I feel like I know him so well . . . there’s a connection between us I’ve never experienced with anyone else, and he says it’s the same for him.

I believe it’s because we had both reached the place in our lives where we were ready for this . . . even though it took Max a while to realize that. We’ve both been through tough times—hurt and heartbreak and disappointment. We’ve both used those challenges to grow and learn more about ourselves. It’s taken me years to truly know that I can’t fix everyone. That the only person I can save is myself. That the only person I can control is myself. And that I can meet my needs for support, love, and affection in ways other than by trying to fix others.

Then just when I figured all that stuff out and I was happy and satisfied with my life, I met a man who was wounded and lost. And in all honesty, I have to admit that pulled at something inside me.

But that wasn’t the only thing that drew me to him. His determination and discipline, his loyalty and sacrifice for those he loves, and the sense of humor that matches mine also had something to do with that powerful tug of attraction. And his cut body, love of dirty sex, and rare but oh so charming smile helped, too.

I tried to resist him. I tried to tell myself to stay away from him, because he was exactly the kind of man I should avoid, the kind of man who was my downfall. I tried to tell myself it was just sex. But I fell hard.

He walks toward me and reaches for the puppy in my arms. And when I see this big, tall, muscled man who earns his living playing what I believe is the toughest sport in the world cuddling Molly, my ovaries quiver happily. Molly tries to lick his face, and he tips his head so all she can reach is his strong chin with its dark shadow of beard stubble. My heart brimming with love, I smile.

Max sets Molly down and grabs a rope toy. He waves it at her, and she leaps at it and sinks her needle-sharp puppy teeth into it. They play a spirited game of tug-o-war, Molly growling ferociously, but when Max drops the toy and picks her up, she instantly lays more kisses all over his face.

I don’t blame her. I want to do that, too.

I look around the condo, which is starting to look different. It’s still bright and sleek and modern, but I’ve been adding some color with cushions and art on the walls, some texture with soft throws and a shaggy rug, and warm scent with candles. There are books and magazines on the shelves and a basket of toys for Molly. Max has even said that it’s more a home now, not just a place to live . . . and it’s our home.

Max’s phone rings to announce visitors. Kevin is here with his parents.

Max has been helping to coach Kevin’s floor hockey team and Kevin is off to Austria soon for the Special Olympics. We invited him over to wish him luck and for him to meet Molly.

I love Kevin, and I think he likes me, too. He’s an amazing young man. I think Ariana’s parents are coming to like me, too. It was a little awkward at first, but not as much as I was afraid of. They’re good people and they want Max to be happy. So we share that.

At Christmas I met Max’s family, including all three of his sisters. They all nearly made me cry, with their normal, functional relationships and the love they show each other. And they showed me love, too. My own family has welcomed Max as well, but it’s different. My parents are impressed by who he is. My mom seems almost jealous of me. She made Max uncomfortable flirting with him, and I had to reassure him that it doesn’t bother me. I’ve accepted who she is and I’ve stopped wishing that things could be different.

I open the door at the knock, and Kevin rushes in, his usual energetic self, followed by Don and Julie.

“Where is she?” Kevin asks.

With a grin, Max carries Molly over to Kevin. “Here she is. This is Molly.”

“She’s cute!”

“She’s a bit of a rascal, but yeah, she’s cute.”

Kevin gingerly takes the squirming puppy from Max, laughing delightedly. She licks his chin and he rears back. Then he sets her down and she barrels across the room to get her toy.

“Come in.” I invite Don and Julie with a smile. “Let me take your coats.”

It’s snowing, judging from the dusting of white on their shoulders. I hang their jackets in the closet while they take a seat, laughing at Molly’s antics as Max and Kevin play with her.

I serve drinks and snacks, and we all chat. Eventually, Molly goes and curls up in her bed, exhausted from all the attention and play time, and Max takes Kevin into the office to show him something on the computer.

Julie smiles at me. “Max seems so happy and relaxed.”

I nod. “He loves playing again. And he’s worked hard for it.”

“He really has. And it’s so special to see you behind him.”

My breath catches. “Thank you. That means so much.”

It really, really does. I’m happy Max has these people in his life, people who care about him, but it’s a relief that they’ve accepted me, too.

Later, when they’ve left and we’re alone again, after we’ve taken Molly outside for her bedtime walk and poop, we’re in our bedroom. I’ve just washed off my makeup, wearing a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and my bra, and Max is walking around naked as he often does.

I’m not complaining. He’s beautiful. In fact, seeing the big muscles in his thighs flexing, his tight ass and his broad shoulders makes my girl parts heat up.

I hang up the towel and run across the bedroom to leap on him.

He shouts a laugh as he catches me and staggers back. “Jesus.”

Molly lets out a little bark, not sure if we’re playing.

“It’s okay, Molly, lie down. I’m just attacking your daddy because he’s smokin’ hot.”

Max grips my ass in his big hands. “You just realized that?”

“Nope.” I kiss his cheek, then his mouth. “I noticed that when we met that night at the wedding. The big, broody hockey dude in a gorgeous suit. I wanted you.”

“You were pretty daring, taking a stranger back to your room.”

“Ha. You passed out. Not very dangerous.”

I grin. “You didn’t know I was going to pass out.”

I lick the side of his neck. “I asked Duncan if you were okay. And I have good instincts.”

“Yes. You do.” He turns and walks to the bed, falling onto it with me beneath him. He’s so strong, though, he protects me, and I stare up at him breathlessly. “And you’re very smart. Not to mention . . . smokin’ hot.” He gives me a long, deep, lush kiss.

“Mmmm.” I lift against him, hot need building inside me. “Thank you.”

“Kendra.” He lifts a hand to my forehead, pushes my hair back, and holds my head. My eyes meet his and that intimate connection I always feel with him, that connection that makes me feel so safe and loved, draws out. All my life I wanted this, and now I have it . . . with him. “Thanks for being good with Ariana’s family.”

I gaze back at him. “They love you. And I love that. They’re good people.”

“They are.” He pauses. “Thank you for understanding that they’re part of my life.”

“It hurts me.”

His forehead creases. “What?”

“Not that they’re in your life.” I shake my head. “It hurts me that you and they lost someone you love. It’s awful that Ariana died so young. I hate that that happened to all of you.”

“Fuck.” He closes his eyes. “And that’s why I love you.” He swallows. “You know . . . I thought hockey was all that was important. Hockey makes me feel alive. Connected to something. And yet . . . I’ve never felt more alive than when I’m with you.”

My breath stalls and my heart flutters. “Oh.”

“All that time . . . I had my goddamn goal and I was so focused on it I couldn’t see what was really important. I was also so focused on the past, I couldn’t see that I couldn’t move forward in life until I accepted the past.”

“But you have.”

“Yeah. I have now. Now I can see that I was being given another gift . . . a chance to learn and grow and be a better, stronger man by connecting to something outside myself—you. He swallows. “A chance to love again. I love you.”

My heart nearly bursting with love, I whisper, “I was thinking about it earlier. All I ever wanted was to be loved. But I couldn’t get there until I loved myself and learned how to meet my own needs first. We found each other at the right time.”

“I almost fucked it up.”

“Almost.” I smile. “But you didn’t. And I love you, too.”